tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-91078012835666069212024-02-21T03:16:55.348-08:00Monogam "Ish" CommentaryDulcietta Willhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16089722554796381795noreply@blogger.comBlogger12125truetag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9107801283566606921.post-34826033025104854032019-08-15T15:15:00.001-07:002019-08-15T15:15:50.472-07:00Not My Circus, The Difficult Decision to Enter into a Poly/Mono Relationship<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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Welcome, one of two things has
happened to bring you to this guide! You have either been polybombed at some
point in an existing relationship or you have been told by someone, that you
potentially want to begin a relationship with, that they are polyamorous.<o:p></o:p></div>
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What is polyamorous? What does it mean? All polyamorous
means is that someone is 'able to love more than one' person concurrently. It
is done from an ethical perspective, everyone is aware and everyone gives their
consent. It is consensual non-monogamy.<o:p></o:p></div>
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This book is about mono/poly relationships. First and
foremost they are a designer relationships or a construct where the polyamorous
person can practice their preferred relationship archetype with everyone's full
knowledge and still maintain a healthy relationship with their monoamorous
partner.<o:p></o:p></div>
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It is not ethical once consent has been given to
withdraw it. Others, however, can change their mind over this practice if it is
agreed upon.<o:p></o:p></div>
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First Things First<o:p></o:p></div>
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You have been bombed, shell shock is setting in! You
can't think, you can't breathe you’re sick to your stomach, your shutting down.
It is okay to say 'No More Not Now'! No decisions will be made at this point
regardless of what the other person wants. Think of the oxygen mask on planes
metaphor. Put your own oxygen mask on first; before assisting others, even your
children if you’re not able to react you can't help others around you<o:p></o:p></div>
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Hi Everyone, this is the first entry for the book I am working on. I just thought I would get and early feel for the audience. let me know what you think!<br />
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Dulcietta Willhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16089722554796381795noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9107801283566606921.post-67697824135838151082019-05-10T14:52:00.000-07:002019-05-10T14:52:09.175-07:00Timing is Everything<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEji0hC_-ZWBRhzSNJlVRR4WakcaqSNZz9NBYhrDImyH9XPQIP8erUa1bVHGuBtihxnUDqTSAtPWv4jDDTKM3SgoXg164GvxUPrhawMW6KTVFqILrSlNoYuplBW9dWtP3nwiIXVH5WsEfxtw/s1600/20190313_145154.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="781" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEji0hC_-ZWBRhzSNJlVRR4WakcaqSNZz9NBYhrDImyH9XPQIP8erUa1bVHGuBtihxnUDqTSAtPWv4jDDTKM3SgoXg164GvxUPrhawMW6KTVFqILrSlNoYuplBW9dWtP3nwiIXVH5WsEfxtw/s200/20190313_145154.jpg" width="97" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Its been a hot minute since I last blogged about anything. I've taken a lot of time off, to take care of myself in this long journey of opening up our relationship. Things certainly don't go the way we want them to and that's okay but for someone who is OCD, among other things, its crippling. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I feel like I'm ready to blog again ! That's probably due to having a good therapist, and better communication with Polybird!</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">How is that going you might ask? well, it like this- Polybird basically has two mono-amorous relationships at this time. He is as they say the hinge of a V. So far so good and baby steps for me. We are endeavoring to write a primer for Mono+Poly Relationships from three different perspectives</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"> Polybird</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"> New to Poly Meta Mono</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"> Old Sho' Me Mono</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">We are in the process of building material for the book, most of which comes from personal experience. I still don't feel like poly folx can accept or even attempt to understand why those of us that are not poly just won't convert; so to speak! oh well that an seminar for another day. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">We're off to Atlanta Poly Weekend soon . I'll let you know if I find any thing for Hot Topics.</span></div>
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Dulcietta Willhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16089722554796381795noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9107801283566606921.post-46923396958504915502015-06-11T17:06:00.002-07:002015-06-27T20:17:24.113-07:00<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<span style="font-family: "Cambria Math",serif; font-size: 16.0pt; line-height: 107%;">Never
Are We Broke<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Cambria Math",serif; font-size: 16.0pt; line-height: 107%;">The
Advantages of a Poly/Mono<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Cambria Math",serif; font-size: 16.0pt; line-height: 107%;">Relationships<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Cambria Math",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">For those who need simple but powerful reassurance. Thanks to the following individuals:<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Cambria Math",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">Elise, Tom, Jen, Gwen, Nattydreadsista, and
lastly Polybird<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: Symbol; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;">·<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;">
</span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="font-family: "Cambria Math",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">More amenable (M)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: Symbol; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;">·<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;">
</span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="font-family: "Cambria Math",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">More attentive (M) Polys get to be their real
self. In doing so they will feel more
supported and will want to reciprocate and provide for their mono partner’s
needs (P) and become more affectionate as a result(M) <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: Symbol; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;">·<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;">
</span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="font-family: "Cambria Math",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">Often find you will do more together (M)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: Symbol; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;">·<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;">
</span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="font-family: "Cambria Math",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">You must live in the hear and now
/present (M)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: Symbol; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;">·<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;"> </span><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;">You Must </span></span><span style="font-family: "Cambria Math",serif; line-height: 107%;">accept t</span><span style="font-family: "Cambria Math",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">he truth (P/M)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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</span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="font-family: "Cambria Math",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">You must consider others in the
relationship (P/M)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: Symbol; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;">·<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;"> </span><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;">You must</span></span><span style="font-family: "Cambria Math",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;"> work together, through
compromise (M/P)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: Symbol; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;">·<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;">
</span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="font-family: "Cambria Math",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">Potentially can provide more friends (P/M)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: Symbol; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;">·<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;">
</span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="font-family: "Cambria Math",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">Provides bonding through problem solving (M)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: Symbol; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;">·<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;">
</span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="font-family: "Cambria Math",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">Provides shared development of character (M)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: Symbol; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;">·<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;">
</span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="font-family: "Cambria Math",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">Provides development of humor unique to the
couple (M)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: Symbol; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;">·<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;">
</span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="font-family: "Cambria Math",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">Provides expansion of social circles, social
groups and activities. (M)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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</span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="font-family: "Cambria Math",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">Provides opportunities and challenges to strengthen
life-mate bonds (M)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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</span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="font-family: "Cambria Math",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">Poly halves are happier being who they are
(P)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: Symbol; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;">·<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;">
</span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="font-family: "Cambria Math",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">Provides opportunities to gain new knowledge
(M)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: Symbol; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;">·<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;">
</span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="font-family: "Cambria Math",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">Provides opportunities to develop support
systems and resources (P)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: Symbol; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;">·<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;">
</span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="font-family: "Cambria Math",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">Provides opportunities to develop/build a
support system with metamours (M)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: Symbol; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;">·<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;">
</span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="font-family: "Cambria Math",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">Removes lying(P)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: Symbol; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;">·<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;">
</span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="font-family: "Cambria Math",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">Removes cheating(P)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: Symbol; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;">·<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;">
</span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="font-family: "Cambria Math",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">Remain in a relationship with someone whom
you love and who loves you back (P/M) Each individual is loved for who they are
(P) The good stuff only comes when each person is able to look at the larger
picture of what it is to have a mono/poly partner and genuinely value and love
that aspect of your partner. To be able to understand how they experience the
world around them, thus permeating every aspect of their person making them who
they are.(M)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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</span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="font-family: "Cambria Math",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">May be able to develop the ability to connect
at a deeper level with poly friends of your partner especially if you’re are
working on being open minded. (P)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: Symbol; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;">·<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;">
</span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="font-family: "Cambria Math",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">Mono’s do not have to be the sole emotional
support of their partners (P) Partners do not have to feel guilty that they don’t
want to rely on Mono’s to such an extensive degree (P)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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</span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="font-family: "Cambria Math",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">It is a benefit for some individual to
support their poly partner’s sexuality especially in instances of mismatched
libidos and unmet needs for exploration. Suppression of desires and feelings
often lead to negative behaviors (i.e. arguing, communication breakdowns) (P)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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</span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="font-family: "Cambria Math",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">M have the freedom to explore and build relationships
with other past the point of (flirty, emotional, physical) that normally in a
monoamorous arrangement would not be considered (P)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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</span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="font-family: "Cambria Math",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">The potential exist that potential
friendships can develop with in the newly extended family (P)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: Symbol; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;">·<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;">
</span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="font-family: "Cambria Math",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">Provides time to learn to be comfortable
being alone or by yourself (M/P)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: Symbol; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;">·<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;">
</span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="font-family: "Cambria Math",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">Provides opportunities for couples to
structure relationships which work for them in which they can grow, expand boundaries
and learn to love in different ways. (P)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: Symbol; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;">·<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;"> </span></span><span style="font-family: "Cambria Math",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">Creates time to learn better
self-introspection and communication skills (P)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: Symbol; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;">·<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;"> </span></span><span style="font-family: "Cambria Math",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">Provides more honesty<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpLast" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: Symbol; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;">·<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;"> </span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="font-family: "Cambria Math",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">Provides more sharing of home life<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<br />
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "Cambria Math",serif; font-size: 16.0pt; line-height: 107%;">I
hope you see this as a blessing and source of hope.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "Cambria Math",serif; font-size: 16.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="line-height: 107%;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">P= Poly statement M= Monogamous statement</span></span></div>
</div>
Dulcietta Willhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16089722554796381795noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9107801283566606921.post-61548998250560472662015-04-26T15:42:00.001-07:002015-04-26T15:42:42.505-07:00Friends with Benefits, Pleased to Meet You<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b><i><span style="font-size: 16.0pt; line-height: 110%;">Friends with Benefits,
Pleased to Meet YOU<o:p></o:p></span></i></b></div>
<div style="background: white; line-height: 15.75pt; margin-bottom: 11.25pt; margin-left: 0in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in; vertical-align: baseline;">
<span style="font-family: "Verdana",sans-serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Arial Unicode MS"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Arial Unicode MS";">Reality</span><span style="font-family: "Verdana",sans-serif; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;"> TV is pervasive now days,
recently a new series has come to the foray… you guessed it ‘Neighbor’s with
Benefits’ following several married couples in suburban Ohio as they swapped
partners. Sorry to say, as of this
writing A&E has discontinued the series after only 2 episodes. Okay, I have
to find the remaining seven episodes if only to see how they treat the subject
matter. I read a study, posted to the Journal Archives of Sexual Behavior in
2013, by researcher Peter Jonason of the University of Western Sydney, that
focused on defining </span><span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; color: #333333; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">booty call, one-night stands,
friends-with-benefits arrangements and other</span><span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; color: #333333; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"> </span><a href="http://www.livescience.com/22467-college-students-casual-sex-judgement.html"><span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; border: 1pt none windowtext; color: #ba72ba; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; padding: 0in; text-decoration: none;">casual sex</span></a><span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; color: #333333; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"> </span><span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; color: #333333; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">relationships </span><span style="color: #333333; font-family: "Verdana",sans-serif;">"There is such a range of
relationships, and we tend to be loose in the terms we use to define and
describe them,"<w:sdt citation="t" id="529620339"><!--[if supportFields]><span
style='mso-element:field-begin'></span> CITATION Pap15 \l 1033 <span
style='mso-element:field-separator'></span><![endif]--> (Pappas, 2015)<!--[if supportFields]><span
style='mso-element:field-end'></span><![endif]--></w:sdt> Jonason said.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="background: white; line-height: 15.75pt; margin-bottom: 11.25pt; margin-left: 0in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in; vertical-align: baseline;">
<span style="color: #333333; font-family: "Verdana",sans-serif;">Jonason wanted to
provide definitions that offered insight into the functions of each of these
relationships. <span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial;">Each participant was asked to
rank how likely booty calls, friends with benefits (people who have casual sex
while remaining "just friends"), long-term relationships and
one-night stands were to fulfill each of four functions: sexual gratification,
social and emotional support, a "trial run" for a serious
relationship and a placeholder to stave off boredom or to bide time until
something better came along.<w:sdt citation="t" id="-208721810"><!--[if supportFields]><span
style='mso-element:field-begin'></span> CITATION Pap15 \l 1033 <span
style='mso-element:field-separator'></span><![endif]--> (Pappas, 2015)<!--[if supportFields]><span
style='mso-element:field-end'></span><![endif]--></w:sdt></span></span><span style="color: #333333; font-family: "Georgia",serif; font-size: 11.5pt;"> <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="background: white; line-height: 15.75pt; margin-bottom: 11.25pt; margin-left: 0in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in; vertical-align: baseline;">
<span style="color: #333333; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; line-height: 15.75pt;">Apparently,
my intrinsic definition of friends with benefits (FWB) is not the same as other
folks; this in itself may explain some of the difficulty we have as paired
couples, singles or life partners in our overall responses to the notion of
casual sex. No one is on the same page! I am also of the opinion that most
would refer to this scenario as pure semantics.</span><span style="color: #333333; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; line-height: 15.75pt;">
</span><span style="color: #333333; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; line-height: 15.75pt;">Just as there is more than one way to practice polyamory i.e. poly
dating, poly sex, tantric poly, dating with in your own preferential relationship
style, the same is true for all other self-proscribed boundaries.</span><span style="color: #333333; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; line-height: 15.75pt;"> </span><span style="color: #333333; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; line-height: 15.75pt;">My personal belief is you can choose to either
live or not live with in your preferred construct of relational identities. Yes
I can hear the booing from the poly corner of the ring but… just because your
status changes does not mean you no longer prefer being open or closed. Isn’t
it really about the freedom to act on your preference whether or not one does
so?</span></div>
<div style="background: white; line-height: 15.75pt; margin-bottom: 11.25pt; margin-left: 0in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in; vertical-align: baseline;">
<span style="color: #333333; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; line-height: 15.75pt;">Monogamous
individuals have practiced poly variations and withdrawn for various reasons
the most notable being that particular relationship style was not compatible
with their own identity. We are all too familiar with and or well aware of polyamorous
individuals who have practiced monogamous variants as a current reflection of
their relationship. </span><span style="color: #333333; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; line-height: 15.75pt;"> </span><span style="color: #333333; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; line-height: 15.75pt;">I define a friends
with benefit (FWB) relationship as a variation of open marriage (blanket or
umbrella term) with the following things in common</span></div>
<div style="background: white; line-height: 15.75pt; margin-bottom: 11.25pt; margin-left: 44.25pt; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in; mso-list: l1 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -.25in; vertical-align: baseline;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="color: #333333; font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;">·<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;">
</span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="color: #333333; font-family: "Verdana",sans-serif;">Usually friends<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="background: white; line-height: 15.75pt; margin-bottom: 11.25pt; margin-left: 44.25pt; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in; mso-list: l1 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -.25in; vertical-align: baseline;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="color: #333333; font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;">·<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;">
</span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="color: #333333; font-family: "Verdana",sans-serif;">Have common interests<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="background: white; line-height: 15.75pt; margin-bottom: 11.25pt; margin-left: 44.25pt; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in; mso-list: l1 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -.25in; vertical-align: baseline;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="color: #333333; font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;">·<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;">
</span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="color: #333333; font-family: "Verdana",sans-serif;">Outgoing<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="background: white; line-height: 15.75pt; margin-bottom: 11.25pt; margin-left: 44.25pt; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in; mso-list: l1 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -.25in; vertical-align: baseline;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="color: #333333; font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;">·<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;">
</span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="color: #333333; font-family: "Verdana",sans-serif;">Honest<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="background: white; line-height: 15.75pt; margin-bottom: 11.25pt; margin-left: 44.25pt; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in; mso-list: l1 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -.25in; vertical-align: baseline;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="color: #333333; font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;">·<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;">
</span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="color: #333333; font-family: "Verdana",sans-serif;">Transparent<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="background: white; line-height: 15.75pt; margin-bottom: 11.25pt; margin-left: 44.25pt; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in; mso-list: l1 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -.25in; vertical-align: baseline;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="color: #333333; font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;">·<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;">
</span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="color: #333333; font-family: "Verdana",sans-serif;">Degree of trust present between consenting adults<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="background: white; line-height: 15.75pt; margin-bottom: 11.25pt; margin-left: 44.25pt; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in; mso-list: l1 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -.25in; vertical-align: baseline;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="color: #333333; font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;">·<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;">
</span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="color: #333333; font-family: "Verdana",sans-serif;">Generally one reserves a gesture or particular intimacy for
their life partner<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="background: white; line-height: 15.75pt; margin-bottom: 11.25pt; margin-left: 0in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in; vertical-align: baseline;">
<span style="color: #333333; font-family: "Verdana",sans-serif;">For me, I associate a
FWB relationship with swinging rightly or wrongly. I also firmly believe that there are
boundaries present to protect the original couple structure. This is primarily due to the fact once you
stray outside those parameters/rules the potential for emotional involvement
becomes much more real and overlaid with happy hormones produced during
intercourse itself forming a stronger chemical bond than one without a physical
component. Based on discussion with
others in the lifestyle, those practicing FWB, Many do not play outside a
closed circle of friends.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="background: white; line-height: 15.75pt; margin-bottom: 11.25pt; margin-left: 0in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in; vertical-align: baseline;">
<span style="color: #333333; font-family: "Verdana",sans-serif;">The urban dictionary
defines FWB as two friends who have sexual relationship with-out being
emotional involved or good friends having casual sex with-out commitment of any
kind and lacking jealousy. Another defines FWB as any relationship whereby
friends are actively engaged in a relationship a step down from a serious one
but not so far as to exclude physical involvement. Middle ground exists between
hot and heavy romance and a platonic relationship, quixotically it is also referring
to such as a fence sitting because the relationship could tip in either
direction.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="background: white; line-height: 15.75pt; margin-bottom: 11.25pt; margin-left: 0in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in; vertical-align: baseline;">
<span style="color: #333333; font-family: "Verdana",sans-serif;">Elite daily has posted
an Op-ed piece titled the Ten Commandments to being Friends with Benefits here <u>elitedaily.com/dating/sex/10-comman….
</u>by Gayana Sarkisova. Should you wish to read the full article. The rules
are simple and not at all what a poly peep would be comfortable with. In fact they would argue with you till the <b><i>cows
come home</i></b> over the concept. But, for a swinger like myself they are
easily applied and non-threatening. That being said because poly-bird and I are
in Poly-Mono Swing Style of relating and choose to be open at this time…
compromises have been made to define what is acceptable to both of us in
boundaries and perimeters that cannot be crossed.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="background: white; line-height: 15.75pt; margin-bottom: 11.25pt; margin-left: 0in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in; vertical-align: baseline;">
<span style="color: #333333; font-family: "Verdana",sans-serif;">For polybird it is a
step down from full on poly relationship, where-as for me it is step toward it!
In that <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="background: white; line-height: 15.75pt; margin-bottom: 11.25pt; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo2; text-indent: -.25in; vertical-align: baseline;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="color: #333333; font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;">·<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;">
</span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="color: #333333; font-family: "Verdana",sans-serif;">Emotional connections already exist<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="background: white; line-height: 15.75pt; margin-bottom: 11.25pt; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo2; text-indent: -.25in; vertical-align: baseline;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="color: #333333; font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;">·<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;">
</span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="color: #333333; font-family: "Verdana",sans-serif;">Txts, occur daily and frequently<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="background: white; line-height: 15.75pt; margin-bottom: 11.25pt; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo2; text-indent: -.25in; vertical-align: baseline;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="color: #333333; font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;">·<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;">
</span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="color: #333333; font-family: "Verdana",sans-serif;">NRE is in full swing as in all she talks about is Polybird while
he becomes defensive if I verbalize what I believe are common and very
noticeable instances of “giddy” behavior<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="background: white; line-height: 15.75pt; margin-bottom: 11.25pt; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo2; text-indent: -.25in; vertical-align: baseline;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="color: #333333; font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;">·<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;">
</span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="color: #333333; font-family: "Verdana",sans-serif;">She is not interested in seeking new relationships or keeping
the door open to such. At least not that I have been told. The rational is they
are too busy to do so. Polybird would be happy to maintain the status quot at
this time.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="background: white; line-height: 15.75pt; margin-bottom: 11.25pt; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo2; text-indent: -.25in; vertical-align: baseline;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="color: #333333; font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;">·<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;">
</span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="color: #333333; font-family: "Verdana",sans-serif;">Some jealousy is present already. This tidbit popped out in discussions; over a hypothetical scenario that has zero % probability of occurring, between
Poly bird and Lady-bird.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="background: white; line-height: 15.75pt; margin-bottom: 11.25pt; margin-left: 0in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in; vertical-align: baseline;">
<span style="color: #333333; font-family: "Verdana",sans-serif;">It is strange where one
finds the truth waiting to be uncovered!
You just need to ask the right questions. So this bring me back to the
original question is this a friends with benefits situations? Categorically yes between Lady-birds
significant other and myself though I’m afraid the same cannot be said for Poly
and Lady bird. My belief is that she is more comfortable using terms like open
relationship or swinging to define her current preferred status and so is Poly
bird though he always refers to what exists, between all parties concerned, as
friends with benefits which is technically not true. My ultimate disadvantage throughout all of
this is, I believe, is a lack of emotional availability. I seem to find it harder and harder and much
more difficult with each passing moment to be emotionally present. Apparently
the emotional traumas/insults of the past 26 years are still capable of
defining my present life. This is not something that will allow me to grow. My
goal is to learn to forgive myself for past mistakes and failures to protect
myself from physical and emotional harm.
Which by the way is one of the reasons I re-entered the Swing (Life
style) Community. Sometimes forgiving
one’s self is harder than forgiving others. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="background: white; margin: 0in 0in 11.25pt; vertical-align: baseline;">
<span style="color: #333333; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span style="line-height: 15.75pt;">There are some benefits to
a fence sitting relationship. One, you have a friend, someone you can pal
around with and do things together with. Two, there is some comfort in the fact
that you don’t have to put a name to “something” that exists between two people,
Your buddies, mates, companions. Why not
just let it be as it is? Don’t get me
wrong sex by/for itself alone has its perks!
It is liberating in more ways than most would imagine. Think about it:
There are three components out of five critical areas of maturation from which
we derive healthy benefits (emotional, psychological, and physical) present.
Emotionally we derive an overall sense of </span><span style="line-height: 21px;">well-being</span><span style="line-height: 15.75pt;"> and trust. Physically our
happy hormones kick in… promoting a decrease in pain through touch as well as
psychological feeling nurtured and loved at the same time. In fact this particular hormone is nicknamed
the love hormone! <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div style="background: white; line-height: 15.75pt; margin-bottom: 11.25pt; margin-left: 0in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in; vertical-align: baseline;">
<span style="color: #333333; font-family: "Verdana",sans-serif;">Many people though offer
cautionary tales of warning. Those
individuals who naively enter FWB relationship are usually floored to discover
that it is not as simple as what it is perceived to be. Strangely enough these forms of causal
relationships always turn out to be vastly different than predicted, if one can
even logically do so. Madame Noire
offers the following advice for those considering this type of relationship.
Avoid being FWB with close friends and family and understand this, once your
relationship changes it can never return to what it once was! Wisely it is …
you must choose, Padawan!<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="background: white; line-height: 15.75pt; margin-bottom: 11.25pt; margin-left: 0in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in; vertical-align: baseline;">
<span style="color: #333333; font-family: "Verdana",sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="background: white; line-height: 15.75pt; margin: 0in 0in 11.25pt; vertical-align: baseline;">
<span style="color: #333333; font-family: Georgia, serif; font-size: 11.5pt;">Stephanie Pappas, Senior Writer</span><span class="apple-converted-space"><span style="color: #333333; font-family: Georgia, serif; font-size: 11.5pt;"> </span></span><span style="color: #333333; font-family: Georgia, serif; font-size: 11.5pt;"><br />Published:/04/2013 09:35 AM EST on Live Science<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #333333; font-family: Georgia, serif; font-size: 11.5pt;">At long last, science has defined "booty call." Huff Post Women April 7, 2015</span></div>
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Dulcietta Willhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16089722554796381795noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9107801283566606921.post-21675908723773329572015-04-07T16:33:00.000-07:002015-04-26T15:43:22.957-07:00More Kernals<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 107%;">Don’t take
this the wrong way but(s)…set me off and put me on edge. I know, something that’s going to “irk” me,
is about to be said; steal a quick breath unnoticed- hold it then wait!<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 107%;">Why do poly
people re-act with suspicion or outright disdain and derision over “my
feelings? Is it because they cannot understand from a logical standpoint or are
they reacting with their own emotional response and therefore need to look
with-in themselves?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 107%;">It is just
my luck to find every relationship anarchist possible. I’m sorry, even when one lives without rules
or established boundaries; allowing others to act on their own conscious in
their parings you have just made a rule. Living in one or the other realm has
its own naturally occurring rules and </span><span style="font-size: 18.6666660308838px; line-height: 19.9733333587647px;">parameters</span><span style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 107%;">. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
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<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 107%;">I don’t have
to be best friends with my metas. I just have to find a way to be okay with
them. Don’t they have family and friends
to support and fill their emotional vaults? They need me to do that as well.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 107%;">I am loaning
you out, so to speak, to someone else on an intermittent basis, the very least
they could do is be civil; and conscious of their interactions with you and
limit that during “our” time.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 107%;">I really
don’t like being around individuals who are in NRE (new relationship energy)
it’s the third wheel syndrome and most likely they don’t see it! Or down play
it. Yup- you are physically there but not really. </span><span style="font-size: 18.6666660308838px; line-height: 19.9733333587647px;">You've</span><span style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 107%;"> become the side kick
slash </span><span style="font-size: 18.6666660308838px; line-height: 19.9733333587647px;">wing-man</span><span style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 107%;">. Your job, should you
choose to take this mission is to support polybirds endeavor with the new and
shiny person of interest. You get a wink, a nod and maybe an opportunity to get
a word in edgewise!<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 107%;">If this NRE,
with one person, stop the bus and let me off at the next changeover….Please!
More than one potential girl friend and I will never get to have time alone with polybird
to meet my needs and desires without that intrusive prevalent sound [knock, knock, knock]
from the little flat box.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 107%;">If patience
is a virtue… I don’t want to be virtuous.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 107%;">NRE can just
giddy-up and go right along with my libby-doe and gone. Not sexy people!<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 107%;">Is txting 24/7
okay during waking hours or are there other considerations. As an illustration: if I was txting back and
forth with polybird while he was spending the day with my metamour would it be
frowned on? Would it be frowned on to
read and respond to txt during business dinners or couples dinners? </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 107%;">What’s the
protocol? Is there ever a time when it is not okay to txt! I’m guessing that
Miss Manners would reply yes to the last question! However- I am told in today’s
current culture txting is not frowned on as much as I think due to the simple
fact that we are socially connected 24 hours a day. True- my question is this-
do we require ourselves to react to this phenomenon as if it is an immediate
emergency or can we live without it as we did 50 years ago? This is </span><span style="font-size: 18.6666660308838px; line-height: 19.9733333587647px;">decidedly</span><span style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 107%;"> something that is individualistic between couples/pairings.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 107%;">I’m not sure
I believe in </span><span style="font-size: 18.6666660308838px; line-height: 19.9733333587647px;">hierarchical</span><span style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 107%;"> pairings but I can’t shake the idea of earned sweat
equity. Twenty-seven years is not the same a one year of dating. The psychology of </span><b style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 107%;"><i>Life</i></b><span style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 107%;"> either breaks or binds
us. Those moments are fairly earned and
need to be recognized and acknowledged as having value and </span><span style="font-size: 18.6666660308838px; line-height: 19.9733333587647px;">meritorious</span><span style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 107%;"> in nature.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 107%;">It is a very
weird dynamic spending time with metamours. Personally I have this niggling
sensation/feeling that </span><span style="font-size: 18.6666660308838px; line-height: 19.9733333587647px;">I've</span><span style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 107%;"> been sent on a mission to ferret out all the little unspoken secrets. Maybe, I should make it
my business not to discuss such things with polybird simply as a </span><span style="font-size: 18.6666660308838px; line-height: 19.9733333587647px;">matter</span><span style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 107%;"> of principle alone One thing I have determined is that
conversation at this point in time revolves around DH. Is this just a stage and how long will it last?<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 107%;">I fear
disclosing “our” health history to potential partners in the lifestyle. My thought is… that DH
will be supported by his emotional bond with potential paramours. As that bond strengthens rejection is less likely
to occur. I am the one, as a swinger, that will encounter
difficulties. </span><span style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 107%;"> <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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Dulcietta Willhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16089722554796381795noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9107801283566606921.post-49567746290475817672015-03-26T20:21:00.000-07:002015-03-27T06:50:06.428-07:00Unthinkable but Not Broken<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 14.0pt; mso-no-proof: yes;">Drama has
come home to roost, in a big way, and I am immensely upset. I just want to crawl into a hole and </span>wail my lungs out till
there is no more in me. My worst fear has come to be! Myself and DH are now members of a growing subset of
adults over the age of 50 with a newly acquired STD.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Opening a
relationship is-not easy as most would agree now there is this to contend with. Till the day we die we will be
on supressive therapy. For me,
personally I feel as if I have a whole in my chest; a blank empty space. I don’t want to rail, point fingers, take pot
shots or otherwise demean my metamour or people we have had contact with, in the lifestyle. They are some
of the most friendly communicative and honest people I have met.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 14.0pt; mso-no-proof: yes;">I am in such
a flap that I really don’t know what to do with myself. This is just another life event to add to my </span>already well
notched belt of unplanned pregnancy, miscarriage, cheating, cancer, opening a
marriage- the pot just keeps
swirling, whirling and growing!</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 14.0pt; mso-no-proof: yes;">Remember
when I said “Hey everyone has good days and bad days”, well this has been a
horrible month. Pain, no </span>appetite, not
being able to sit comfortably long enough to drive, headaches, nausea, ennui,
having to go commando and not wear
my pretties (indignity of indignities)have stretched my tolerances as far as
they can go. Moving</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-no-proof: yes;">ahead and
getting over it, not allowing myself to be angry seems at best to be
unreasonable if not unthinkable.</span><span style="font-size: 14.0pt; mso-no-proof: yes;">This is what
I use to harp on constantly in discussion after discussion(s) with DH
driving him cuckoo. I do </span><span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">not handle drama well, nor do I want or need
it. It </span><i style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">pulls back all those feelings and
fears I've tried to re-program</i><span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 14.0pt; mso-no-proof: yes;">I don’t know
what will happen to our(fwb) friends with benefits relationship, which by the
way is now tenuously </span>termed
polyamorous, no big surprise there. Still
no one wants to sit down and have the “P” talk.
Truthfully I don’t know if
we/they ever will at this juncture. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-no-proof: yes;">DH is not
ready for more of a committed, relationship and neither is my </span>metamour. He simply wants more one to one time alone
with her ---no big news there either. Though how that can be accomplished I don't know as she is married also.</span><span style="font-size: 14.0pt; mso-no-proof: yes;">For me that seems to </span><span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">be a common
theme in all relationships. My personal mantra here is …while they gain- we
maintain! </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">But life has a way of derailing us just when we think <i>we are getting a handle on this whole poly
thing</i> and this is one of those times when DH “polyness” has turned and dealt us/him the
most ironic slap in the face possible. Had I not chosen to tentatively re-enter the lifestyle
as DH was bring poly fully on board into our marriage
this event would have most likely not occurred.
I can’t say as I have processed
this whole event. I know it certainly does not feel like it. Who or where this came
from is not the point of this commentary, the real point is what happens to us from
this point fore-ward.</span></div>
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</span><br />
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Dulcietta Willhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16089722554796381795noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9107801283566606921.post-39176938299070091932015-03-13T16:35:00.002-07:002015-03-13T16:35:29.084-07:00Heartstoppers<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt;">Heartstoppers occur, you know
it will go away. These occur anytime
sensitive boundaries are unknowingly breached. </span><span style="font-size: 12pt;">A heartstopper is a real
physiological reaction to the unexpected.</span><span style="font-size: 12pt;">
</span><span style="font-size: 12pt;">It is a hard thud followed by a slight dizzying sensation </span><span style="font-size: 12pt;">and sometimes a shortness of
breath, almost as if it’s been knocked out of you.</span><span style="font-size: 12pt;"> </span><span style="font-size: 12pt;">1-2-3-4-5</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt;">Don’t say anything. Your
stomach lurches, begins to twitch or sinks.
Absorb the sensation… It will pass.</span><span style="font-size: 12pt;">Welcome to the
reptilian/primitive brain kicking in.</span><span style="font-size: 12pt;">
</span><span style="font-size: 12pt;">Much has been written about this nasty function that seemingly occurs </span><span style="font-size: 12pt;">with-out even thinking; an
evolutionary adjustment tactic for survival –probably.</span><span style="font-size: 12pt;"> </span><span style="font-size: 12pt;">A construct that is detrimental to our </span><span style="font-size: 12pt;">psychological, emotional and
cognitive interactions-very probably.</span><span style="font-size: 12pt;">
</span><span style="font-size: 12pt;">There has been some research conducted that supports </span><span style="font-size: 12pt;">the premise of rejection
piggybacking on to pain receptor sites in the brain. This would create strong
neuro –chemical bonding </span><span style="font-size: 12pt;">producing a physical
causality. i.e. shortness of breath, stomach lurching a real physical pain in
the chest! There has also been</span><span style="font-size: 12pt;"> </span><span style="font-size: 12pt;">a correlation between individuals who take </span><span style="font-size: 12pt;"> </span><span style="font-size: 12pt;">Tylenol/acetaminophen and a reduction in the
pain associated with rejection/loss.</span><span style="font-size: 12pt;">Your natural tendency is to cover for
yourself, posture/present/protect in a manner that buffers and mitigates the event
or is</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt;">self-soothing.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt;">Tip: Engage the brain. Blurting out the first thing that come to your
mind is really not a good idea. (X)
statements_____________<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt;">usually begin with buts, and
end in watered down excuses. This is an
open ended recipe for disaster and communication breakdown.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt;">Here is a heartstopper-
Ladybird has a seminar over the weekend.
DH/polybird would like to accompany her.
The problem I </span><span style="font-size: 12pt;">have with this is I am not
sure ‘I believe’ everyone is on the same page.</span><span style="font-size: 12pt;">
</span><span style="font-size: 12pt;">There has been too much discussion about the nature of </span><span style="font-size: 12pt;">polyamory, what it is and
conceptualizing this type of relationship structure.</span><span style="font-size: 12pt;"> </span><span style="font-size: 12pt;">Polybird is fine, so he tells me, with
remaining in a </span><span style="font-size: 12pt;">friends with benefit (fwb)
situation. </span><span style="font-size: 12pt;"> </span><span style="font-size: 12pt;">The intuitive part of me
senses a curiosity from what could be my metamour and her </span><span style="font-size: 12pt;">significant other (SO). The
only thought I could come up with was let this pairing mature on its own, try
not to compartmentalize</span><span style="font-size: 12pt;"> </span><span style="font-size: 12pt;">it, or name it! </span><span style="font-size: 12pt;"> </span><span style="font-size: 12pt;">My preference is for a very ethical and
fideletous boundary.</span><span style="font-size: 12pt;"> </span><span style="font-size: 12pt;">We just need to
ensure it is fully consensual. I can’t handle</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt;">drama-yet in a medical
emergency I turn into super nurse/doctor/researcher, go figure! It is hard for me to allow free flowing </span><span style="font-size: 12pt;">progression of a fwb arrangement,
notice the terminology, to something more! By something more- I don’t know what
that is.</span><span style="font-size: 12pt;"> </span><span style="font-size: 12pt;">I have nothing to compare it
with.</span><span style="font-size: 12pt;"> </span><span style="font-size: 12pt;">It does not quite seem like what
‘I believe’ polyamory to be. So… I thought maybe we should redefine</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt;">our notion of what love and
emotional attachment is more clearly, as the Greeks did.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt;">Western society would have us
believe in the princess (happy ever after) concept of love and relationships,
though we understand </span><span style="font-size: 12pt;">that to be far-fetched. Ah….
But then maybe there is a small seed of truth. One person for romance and
love.</span><span style="font-size: 12pt;"> </span><span style="font-size: 12pt;">How then do we </span><span style="font-size: 12pt;">explain dating?</span><span style="font-size: 12pt;"> </span><span style="font-size: 12pt;">Is dating a search for the one… trial monogamy?</span><span style="font-size: 12pt;"> </span><span style="font-size: 12pt;">We have become a culture that is serially-monogamous
pairings.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt;">My question is this… ‘how is
this any better, periodically chopping up and redistributing family units? It
sounds like some kind of a test </span><span style="font-size: 12pt;">or lab experiment.</span><span style="font-size: 12pt;"> </span><span style="font-size: 12pt;">Take beaker number one and add it to beaker
number two and you have created a familial unit, Ta-da.</span><span style="font-size: 12pt;"> </span><span style="font-size: 12pt;">The </span><span style="font-size: 12pt;">Greek clearly defined six
classifications of love and emotional attachment. Not all of these six were
regarded as beneficial. Agape’ you </span><span style="font-size: 12pt;">are probably familiar
with.</span><span style="font-size: 12pt;"> </span><span style="font-size: 12pt;">It is a selfless love for all and
a universal loving kindness for strangers. </span><span style="font-size: 12pt;"> </span><span style="font-size: 12pt;">Eros was considered to be a </span><span style="font-size: 12pt;">dangerous fiery and
irrational form of love, often defined by a loss of control (sexual passion)
and was not to be sought after.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12pt;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12pt;">Phila means friendship. This
friendship shared emotional bonds as well as the associated traits of </span>comradery<span style="font-size: 12pt;">, loyalty and sacrifice.
Between a parent and child this would
be called storge. Ludus is a playful love affection between children and ‘young
love’) note the terminology, again.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt;">Flirting, teasing are the
hallmarks of this kind if adult frivolity.
You’ve seen this before as new relationship energy –can you say NRE
people! <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt;">Pragma- this is the one I
find interesting. Greek culture strived
to obtain this. It is described as a longstanding love, with deep understanding </span><span style="font-size: 12pt;">that has developed in long
paired/married individuals where-by the make compromises to help the
relationship work, displaying patience </span><span style="font-size: 12pt;">and tolerance. bingo-
Bingo-BINGO! They made an effort to give as well as receive.</span><span style="font-size: 12pt;"> </span><span style="font-size: 12pt;">Wow…. I really think they might be on to
something here.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt;">Last but not least is
Philautia or self-love which enhances a wider capacity to love. If you have enough love/belief in yourself
you will have </span><span style="font-size: 12pt;">plenty to offer others. Some
would call this self-actualization others would call this self-compassion while
others still might refer to this</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt;">as a form of polyamory. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt;">I know’ in theory’ this is
not my relationship it is polybirds. I am, however, included in it because of
my bond to DH/polybird. I Feel as t</span><span style="font-size: 12pt;">hough I see things very much
cut and dried, even living with-in the lifestyle.</span><span style="font-size: 12pt;"> </span><span style="font-size: 12pt;">A tomato is a tomato and not a fruit!
Yes?</span><span style="font-size: 12pt;"> </span><span style="font-size: 12pt;">I view DH </span><span style="font-size: 12pt;">‘Polyness” as shifting
realities almost like that of free form art; while he on the other hand, tells
me that his own concept of poly is</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12pt;">well defined and he tries to
adhere to that premise as a matter of honor! So how so we get past this </span>ambiguousness<span style="font-size: 12pt;">. I think in this instance everyone should
meet.</span><span style="font-size: 12pt;"> </span><span style="font-size: 12pt;">It’s not an impasse… it’s a puzzle
that needs to be teased apart thread by thread-no shortcuts!</span></div>
<br />
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<br /></div>
Dulcietta Willhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16089722554796381795noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9107801283566606921.post-15315939109453537912015-02-26T17:16:00.002-08:002015-02-26T17:18:27.690-08:00Bullets from the Rear Too<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Segoe UI Semibold, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 12pt;">This
is not what you think. </span>We've<span style="font-size: 12pt;"> gone
through a lot of points, most of which you probably have experienced in one
form or another. </span></span><span style="font-family: 'Segoe UI Semibold', sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;">Sometimes
it is enough to know others have gone through what you are going through.</span><span style="font-family: 'Segoe UI Semibold', sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;"> </span><span style="font-family: 'Segoe UI Semibold', sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;">I can’t fix it for you, but I can surely
reassure you </span><span style="font-family: 'Segoe UI Semibold', sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;">that
you can and will emerge on the other side perhaps a little stronger, more
self-assure, and happy.</span><span style="font-family: 'Segoe UI Semibold', sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;"> </span><span style="font-family: 'Segoe UI Semibold', sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;">Imagine that!</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Segoe UI Semibold",sans-serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">How
do you see the current state of your relationship? Is it working for you and
your SO. Is it not working? (Is it
strained, relaxed, or changing) </span><span style="font-family: 'Segoe UI Semibold', sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;">Or
is it all of the above.</span><span style="font-family: 'Segoe UI Semibold', sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;"> </span><span style="font-family: 'Segoe UI Semibold', sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;">No one is
perfect. </span><span style="font-family: 'Segoe UI Semibold', sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;"> </span><span style="font-family: 'Segoe UI Semibold', sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;">Force yourself to learn from
mistakes made, accept it, and continue on your path.</span><span style="font-family: 'Segoe UI Semibold', sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;"> </span><span style="font-family: 'Segoe UI Semibold', sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;">This is a thinking </span><span style="font-family: 'Segoe UI Semibold', sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;">list
or a plan of action list.</span><span style="font-family: 'Segoe UI Semibold', sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;"> </span><span style="font-family: 'Segoe UI Semibold', sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;">It is a deliberately
planned path addressing issues that may come about. It also addresses what you
want your</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Segoe UI Semibold",sans-serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">evolving
relationship to look like. For the time
being it directly reduces the impact of poly-birds date nights. You know, that
zinger that sneaks </span><span style="font-family: 'Segoe UI Semibold', sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;">up
on you when you least expect it and ruins your perfectly hard won quiet. It
enlists feedback and communication between all parties. Coordinated </span><span style="font-family: 'Segoe UI Semibold', sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;">calendars,
schedules and monthly meetings are extremely important.</span><span style="font-family: 'Segoe UI Semibold', sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;"> </span><span style="font-family: 'Segoe UI Semibold', sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;">Utilizing technology there is really no
excuse as to why all parties cannot </span><span style="font-family: 'Segoe UI Semibold', sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;">be present during family meetings! Skype,
conference calling etcetera. Everyone needs to be on the same page this does
not mean that all parties </span><span style="font-family: 'Segoe UI Semibold', sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;">concerned
are best mates. It does means we are considerate and caring of everyone else
that is part of the extended family. Some of us will have to </span><span style="font-family: 'Segoe UI Semibold', sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;">work harder than others to accept this. Animosities
are put aside, no finger-pointing is allowed, and given names are the only
acceptable form of address.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Segoe UI Semibold",sans-serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">What
is necessary to re-focus/re-frame your thoughts while transitioning from a
(cheating) dyad to being the point of a vee, triad, polycule or practitioning </span><span style="font-family: 'Segoe UI Semibold', sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;">swinger?
Do you need a counselor or therapist to help you through communication
strategies or understanding how your mate/SO expresses love? Do your </span><span style="font-family: 'Segoe UI Semibold', sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;">immediate
family members support you with out fault finding involvement? Do you have
support systems outside the home?</span><span style="font-family: 'Segoe UI Semibold', sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;"> </span><span style="font-family: 'Segoe UI Semibold', sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;">I guarantee
there is a space/place </span><span style="font-family: 'Segoe UI Semibold', sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;">for
you to meet like minds. </span><span style="font-family: 'Segoe UI Semibold', sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;"> </span><span style="font-family: 'Segoe UI Semibold', sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;">Google It! </span><span style="font-family: 'Segoe UI Semibold', sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;"> </span><span style="font-family: 'Segoe UI Semibold', sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;">Being able to talk with like minds reduces the
pressure cooker with-in us, creating positive experiences, presenting an </span><span style="font-family: 'Segoe UI Semibold', sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;">available
network of companions for emergent issues outside monthly meetings as well as
friends.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Segoe UI Semibold",sans-serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">Here’s
another bullet –relationships’ that are opened under duress require a great
deal of understanding, finesse and attention to survive. The SOB list, significant </span><span style="font-family: 'Segoe UI Semibold', sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;">other
boundaries, details things needed to reduce anxiety’s, misgivings, and
potential conflicts. It takes into account the following:</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: 'Segoe UI Semibold', sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpFirst" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: Symbol; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;">·<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal;">
</span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="font-family: "Segoe UI Semibold",sans-serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">NRE (new relationship energy)management<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: Symbol; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;">·<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal;">
</span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="font-family: "Segoe UI Semibold",sans-serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">No
drama<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: Symbol; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;">·<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal;">
</span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="font-family: "Segoe UI Semibold",sans-serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">Safe
abode, places to be in control and gather thoughts<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: Symbol; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;">·<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal;">
</span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="font-family: "Segoe UI Semibold",sans-serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">Home
health management<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: Symbol; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;">·<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal;">
</span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="font-family: "Segoe UI Semibold",sans-serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">Jealousy
reduction<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: Symbol; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;">·<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal;">
</span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="font-family: "Segoe UI Semibold",sans-serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">Identification
of triggers- anything from names to activities <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpLast">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Segoe UI Semibold, sans-serif;">I've</span><span style="font-family: "Segoe UI Semibold",sans-serif; font-size: 12.0pt;"> deliberately left my definition of a good relationship out and chosen to focus
on what you can do to support a better relationship. Focus of having fun together. </span><span style="font-family: 'Segoe UI Semibold', sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;">Learn how to play again. </span><span style="font-family: 'Segoe UI Semibold', sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;">Ask
for what you want/need this is DH favorite axiom, if you don’t ask… you won’t
get what you want. I am not a mind reader!</span><span style="font-family: 'Segoe UI Semibold', sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;"> </span><span style="font-family: 'Segoe UI Semibold', sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;">Create
a ritual to check in with each other. How about texting a silly message as
simple as “Hi sweet-ums”</span><span style="font-family: 'Segoe UI Semibold', sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;">or Tonight, You, Me Hot Coco? </span><span style="font-family: 'Segoe UI Semibold', sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;">Focus
on intimate sexy time … think outside the box! Margaritas and a foot massage?
Now that’s heaven and a good laugh waiting to happen! How about candy making
gone wild. </span><span style="font-family: 'Segoe UI Semibold', sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;">Just
a little planning and voila!</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: 'Segoe UI Semibold', sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Segoe UI Semibold",sans-serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">Use
your senses to keep things in check (there are five) taste, touch, hearing,
smell and sight. The sixth is common sense the seventh is intuition based on
working knowledge <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Segoe UI Semibold",sans-serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">See
you SO/mate for who s/he really is. Then
things can begin the process of change. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Segoe UI Semibold",sans-serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">Love
does not rescue you from being alone. Learn to be comfortable being by yourself<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Segoe UI Semibold",sans-serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">Learn to let go of past expectations. </span><span style="font-family: 'Segoe UI Semibold', sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;">Relationships do not remain static; they have
a natural ebb and flow: grow, change and stretch their limitations.</span><span style="font-family: 'Segoe UI Semibold', sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;"> </span><span style="font-family: 'Segoe UI Semibold', sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;">Relationships move back and forth on a day to
day basis like a Lava lamp.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: 'Segoe UI Semibold', sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Segoe UI Semibold",sans-serif; font-size: 12.0pt;"> Lava Lamps bubble and ooze silently-ever so
slowly sliding colored spheres, of emotions if you will, against each
other. They constantly adjust,
re-assimilate and adjust again. Kind of
sexy </span><span style="font-family: 'Segoe UI Semibold', sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;">if you ask me, but more than that it’s
probably the best analogy I can think of that demonstrates how relationships
flow and therefore emotions with them.</span><span style="font-family: 'Segoe UI Semibold', sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Segoe UI Semibold",sans-serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">You
don’t have to agree, but experience leads me to believe more whole-heartedly
that it is much easier to communicate freely and openly when there are no
constraints or expectations other </span><span style="font-family: 'Segoe UI Semibold', sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;">than
ones forged with-in the bounds of your current</span><span style="font-family: 'Segoe UI Semibold', sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;">
</span><span style="font-family: 'Segoe UI Semibold', sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;">relationship with your mate</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
Dulcietta Willhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16089722554796381795noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9107801283566606921.post-89154889272959361572015-02-16T19:12:00.002-08:002015-02-16T19:12:46.314-08:00Have We Been Outed<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; mso-ascii-font-family: Calibri; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-hansi-font-family: Calibri; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">Wandering out and about in the world today I began watching to see
if I could find individuals who appeared to be in </span><span style="font-size: 12pt;">non-monogamous relationships.</span><span style="font-size: 12pt;">
</span><span style="font-size: 12pt;">Apparently there is not much chance of doing that while driving but it
does make </span><span style="font-size: 12pt;">you more aware of the personalities around you.</span><span style="font-size: 12pt;"> </span><span style="font-size: 12pt;">People watching is a hobby of mine as well as
being an instrumental </span><span style="font-size: 12pt;">part of my profession. First, I went to the Women’s center …No I
did not see any individuals that looked as if they </span><span style="font-size: 12pt;">could be involved in any sort of non-monogamous relationship!</span><span style="font-size: 12pt;"> </span><span style="font-size: 12pt;">How would one know what to look for anyway?</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12pt;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; mso-ascii-font-family: Calibri; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-hansi-font-family: Calibri; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">It’s not like they wear sticky notes or have neon blinking signs. Then it was off to the Oncologists office. </span><span style="font-size: 12pt;">No…again- the only thing I found there was a lot of people waiting
to see their doctors.</span><span style="font-size: 12pt;"> </span><span style="font-size: 12pt;">By the time 3:00 p.m.
rolled </span><span style="font-size: 12pt;">around I’d been at it for seven hours and hunger was setting in so
it was off to to eat at a wonderful café whose mission </span><span style="font-size: 12pt;">is to help women, addicts and prostitutes, lift themselves out of
living off the streets and become members of society.</span><span style="font-size: 12pt;">There I met, saw and talked with beautiful, strong women. Once
again no strange or different looking individuals, just nice</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; mso-ascii-font-family: Calibri; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-hansi-font-family: Calibri; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">normal looking folk. Here we are descending fast and furiously
into the ultimate party of the year known simply as Mardi </span><span style="font-size: 12pt;">Gras and I can’t find those non-monogamous lurkers. Where did they
disappear to? I’ll tell you…. exactly where you would </span><span style="font-size: 12pt;">expect any normal person/s to be: at work, home taking care of
family/children, paying bills, grocery shopping banking, </span><span style="font-size: 12pt;">picking up the kids after soccer, etcetera. These “people” are you
and I.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12pt;">Why are you afraid? What is
the real issue you don’t want to face? I’m afraid of somehow being singled out
as different! </span>Um<span style="font-size: 12pt;">-Yes, there is a very real potential for this to occur early on
when a new couple/pairing exhibits the usual traits associated with </span><span style="font-size: 12pt;">new relationship energy (NRE): being giddy around each other,
acting like kids on a first date, poking, bumping shoulders, </span><span style="font-size: 12pt;">swinging hands, googly eyes, you saw it when you began to notice
boys/girls for the first time.</span><span style="font-size: 12pt;"> </span><span style="font-size: 12pt;">This
stuff is a powerful bathing </span><span style="font-size: 12pt;">those involved in a neuro-chemical bath of Dr. Feel Goods love
potion number 9 and sexual tension you could cut with a knife. </span><span style="font-size: 12pt;">It is palpable enough to make others take a second glance. So yes-
technically you could be outed.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12pt;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; mso-ascii-font-family: Calibri; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-hansi-font-family: Calibri; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">Everyone looks alike in public and unless you or your poly-bird/poly-beau
does something overt to draw attention </span><span style="font-size: 12pt;">to the situation transpiring remember your simple a group of
friends out having fun and relaxing! Pointing out these </span><span style="font-size: 12pt;">transgressions in a positive manner will go a long way to minimize
that feeling. Sometimes, however new polys enter a rebellious </span><span style="font-size: 12pt;">stage not unlike a teenager trying to find themselves and learning
to fly on their own. </span><span style="font-size: 12pt;">We just don’t expect it to come from an</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; mso-ascii-font-family: Calibri; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-hansi-font-family: Calibri; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">adult who has been married X number of years. The majority of the time when you are out with
your beloveds it is usually as a </span><span style="font-size: 12pt;">couple, not a triad or quad. If you see a mixed group of adults,
do you automatically assume its two married couples/quad and </span><span style="font-size: 12pt;">a unicorn (single lady who plays with the couple) or two LGBTQ
couples and an extra friend.</span><span style="font-size: 12pt;"> </span><span style="font-size: 12pt;">I doubt it!
Are you afraid there is </span><span style="font-size: 12pt;">some kind of sign attached to your beloved advertising that s/he
is polyamorous and women will flock to them overcoming them </span><span style="font-size: 12pt;">with their feminine wiles. </span><span style="font-size: 12pt;"> </span><span style="font-size: 12pt;">Again
I doubt it.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12pt;">From experience: I know that what I fear is the probability that
my current emotional state will be clearly </span>discernible<span style="font-size: 12pt;">. I will </span><span style="font-size: 12pt;">suffer the indignities of pity and humiliation and yes perhaps the
scorn of other women. I know my emotional state will change on a day to </span><span style="font-size: 12pt;">day basis. I also know that as I find and identify triggers this will lessen.</span><span style="font-size: 12pt;"> </span><span style="font-size: 12pt;">Hey- everyone has good and
bad days.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12pt;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpFirst" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -.25in;">
</div>
<ul>
<li><span style="font-family: Symbol; font-size: 12pt; text-indent: -0.25in;">·<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal;">
</span></span><span style="font-size: 12pt; text-indent: -0.25in;">You won’t always want to or need to meet the
SO</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Symbol; font-size: 12pt; text-indent: -0.25in;">·<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal;">
</span></span><span style="font-size: 12pt; text-indent: -0.25in;">A good DH can and will be inclusive of all
parties at such meetings</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Symbol; font-size: 12pt; text-indent: -0.25in;">·<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal;">
</span></span><span style="font-size: 12pt; text-indent: -0.25in;">You will set how much you are capable of
dealing with from your beloved</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Symbol; font-size: 12pt; text-indent: -0.25in;">·<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal;">
</span></span><span style="font-size: 12pt; text-indent: -0.25in;">talk about NRE especially as you see it
happening* This is huge for me!</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Symbol; font-size: 12pt; text-indent: -0.25in;">·<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal;">
</span></span><span style="font-size: 12pt; text-indent: -0.25in;">create your safe place where poly does not
intrude</span></li>
</ul>
<!--[if !supportLists]--><br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; mso-ascii-font-family: Calibri; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-hansi-font-family: Calibri; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">I do have <b><u>one </u></b>amusing
story to demonstrate how far we can travel as monogamish individuals. Poly-bird and I have a friends with benefits </span><span style="font-size: 12pt;">situation.</span><span style="font-size: 12pt;"> </span><span style="font-size: 12pt;">All of us were
out, at a local Piano Bar together, enjoying the evening and singing at the top
of our lungs.</span><span style="font-size: 12pt;"> </span><span style="font-size: 12pt;">At the end of the night,</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12pt;">someone who should have known better came up to us and asked “Now, </span><u style="font-size: 12pt;">who
is with who,</u><span style="font-size: 12pt;"> you’re with _____________________ and began shaking his head </span>quizzically<span style="font-size: 12pt;"> as if he just could not grasp the situation. The first thing I told poly-bird, when I could stop laughing, was he should
know better than to assume anything about current relationship statuses' </span><span style="font-size: 12pt;">especially as we were at a lifestyle event!</span><span style="font-size: 12pt;"> </span><span style="font-size: 12pt;">I’m still tickled by that story every time I
think about it! It just goes to the point never assume!</span></div>
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<br /></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; mso-ascii-font-family: Calibri; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-hansi-font-family: Calibri; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;"> <o:p></o:p></span></div>
Dulcietta Willhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16089722554796381795noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9107801283566606921.post-47053922588563749132015-02-13T07:28:00.001-08:002015-02-13T07:36:25.133-08:00Help I’m not Polyamorous: I'm learning to Cope<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Segoe UI Semibold",sans-serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">What
is happy? Happy is an individualized
construct; things that you and I …need,</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Segoe UI Semibold",sans-serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">want and strive for in order to obtain
a sense of worth intrinsic to ourselves.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Segoe UI Semibold",sans-serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">If
your construct is challenged or a piece of it is taken away; conflict, hurt,
anger, resentment, blame and fear are often the outcomes. Let it Go…..</span><span style="font-family: 'Segoe UI Semibold', sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;">Let
It Go… Let It Go! </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<u style="font-family: 'Segoe UI Semibold', sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;">Yowl It Out</u><span style="font-family: 'Segoe UI Semibold', sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;">. </span><span style="font-family: 'Segoe UI Semibold', sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;"> </span><span style="font-family: Segoe UI Semibold, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 12pt;">Sorry.. I </span>couldn't<span style="font-size: 12pt;"> help it!</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Segoe UI Semibold, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 12pt;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Segoe UI Semibold",sans-serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">Catharsis
is an unprecedented outpouring, baby babbling if you will, about everything,
anything and nothing. Gadzooks does it pour out! It comes out </span><span style="font-family: 'Segoe UI Semibold', sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;">In rivers of spewing despair and self- hatred.
When the bomb drops, catharsis is a natural reaction or psychological
occurrence developed to protect us </span><span style="font-family: 'Segoe UI Semibold', sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;">from an emotional insult we are </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: 'Segoe UI Semibold', sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;">not yet
capable of coping with. Sorry poly peeps patience is the only word of advice </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: 'Segoe UI Semibold', sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;">I
can reiterate here. This situation is </span><span style="font-family: 'Segoe UI Semibold', sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;">no
longer about you; as soon as you said___________________________ it morphed and
became about the relationship at hand.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: 'Segoe UI Semibold', sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;">You and the new ladybird/</span><span style="font-family: 'Segoe UI Semibold', sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;">polybeau
have effectively been placed on hold. </span><span style="font-family: 'Segoe UI Semibold', sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;"> </span><span style="font-family: 'Segoe UI Semibold', sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;">Warning:</span><span style="font-family: 'Segoe UI Semibold', sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;">
</span><span style="font-family: 'Segoe UI Semibold', sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;">If you do not place the new relationship on a stand down status you will
lose the one you already </span><span style="font-family: 'Segoe UI Semibold', sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;">have.</span><span style="font-family: 'Segoe UI Semibold', sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;"> </span><span style="font-family: 'Segoe UI Semibold', sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;">It is that simple.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Segoe UI Semibold",sans-serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">We
are inundated with so many mixed messages, by society, regarding how
relationships are structured, built and evaluated that alternative/free form </span><span style="font-family: 'Segoe UI Semibold', sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;">arrangements are more difficult to
accept.</span><span style="font-family: 'Segoe UI Semibold', sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;"> </span><span style="font-family: 'Segoe UI Semibold', sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;">As introspection sets in we
begin to tear down and build new foundations; letting go of the old ones while </span><span style="font-family: 'Segoe UI Semibold', sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;">creating
untested interactive relationships models.</span><span style="font-family: 'Segoe UI Semibold', sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;">
</span><span style="font-family: 'Segoe UI Semibold', sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;">Are we talking about science fiction in this instance? No. not hardly!</span><span style="font-family: 'Segoe UI Semibold', sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;"> </span><span style="font-family: 'Segoe UI Semibold', sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;">Everything you thought you knew </span><span style="font-family: 'Segoe UI Semibold', sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;">about
life or were taught about relationships; by a well-meaning soul, is the
equivalent of bad dishwater....useless. </span><span style="font-family: 'Segoe UI Semibold', sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;"> </span><span style="font-family: 'Segoe UI Semibold', sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;">Our understanding of who we are becomes </span><span style="font-family: Segoe UI Semibold, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 12pt;">submerged,
trust- is tenuous at best, and our discernment is now called into question on a
magnitude unlike anything </span>we've<span style="font-size: 12pt;"> yet to experience. Can we </span></span><span style="font-family: 'Segoe UI Semibold', sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;">learn
to accept others for what they bring into our circle (whether it is negative or
positive) or will we retreat from acceptance? Worse yet, we are not happy.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: 'Segoe UI Semibold', sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Segoe UI Semibold",sans-serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">So, not only are we unexpectedly thrust into
doubting ourselves but the emotional component is quickly swallowing us up.
What will work for us, how much </span><span style="font-family: 'Segoe UI Semibold', sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;">change
is too much; interfering with our core values necessary to maintain good mental
health?</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Segoe UI Semibold",sans-serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">How
do we get all of that “stuff” back! </span><span style="font-family: 'Segoe UI Semibold', sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;">How
many of these scenarios do you recognize?</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: 'Segoe UI Semibold', sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Segoe UI Semibold, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 12pt;">Woops…
</span></span><u style="font-family: 'Segoe UI Semibold', sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;">we assign blame</u><span style="font-family: Segoe UI Semibold, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 12pt;">. </span>You've<span style="font-size: 12pt;"> heard it- from the time you began school. You lied… You did this… You cheated!<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Segoe UI Semibold",sans-serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">Then
<u>anger ensues</u>… I can’t stand your __________ s/he is a ______________. I’m sick of it…. it’s always about you…</span><u><span style="font-family: "Segoe UI Semibold",sans-serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">Conflict
here we come</span></u><span style="font-family: 'Segoe UI Semibold', sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;">. You can’t go out when money is not in the
budget for us, where is the money going to come from I’d like to know? Valid
point yes, using this </span><span style="font-family: 'Segoe UI Semibold', sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;">to
inflict a dirty jab below the belt?</span><span style="font-family: 'Segoe UI Semibold', sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;"> </span><span style="font-family: 'Segoe UI Semibold', sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;">What
do you think? How about this one… I’m not staying home alone stewing about
while you’re out doing a pas de deux.</span><span style="font-family: 'Segoe UI Semibold', sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;"> </span><span style="font-family: 'Segoe UI Semibold', sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;">It
gets worse</span><span style="font-family: 'Segoe UI Semibold', sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;"> </span><span style="font-family: 'Segoe UI Semibold', sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;">unless you decide to take control.</span><span style="font-family: 'Segoe UI Semibold', sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;"> </span><span style="font-family: 'Segoe UI Semibold', sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;">It gets really lonely inside our heads.</span><span style="font-family: 'Segoe UI Semibold', sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;"> </span><span style="font-family: 'Segoe UI Semibold', sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;">The one thing you cannot become is a victim!
Take control of yourself.</span><span style="font-family: 'Segoe UI Semibold', sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;"> </span><span style="font-family: 'Segoe UI Semibold', sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;">Yeah …control
hurts, but it’s </span><span style="font-family: 'Segoe UI Semibold', sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;">better than picking yourself up off the floor
every time the door shuts behind your beloved. You will hear things that make
you want to be physically ill or tear your hair out.</span><span style="font-family: 'Segoe UI Semibold', sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;"> </span><span style="font-family: 'Segoe UI Semibold', sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;">Anything…
to not feel the insult and pain to the depths of your being. Scream, yell and
thump a stump but wear a mask of civility and be calm as much as possible.</span><span style="font-family: 'Segoe UI Semibold', sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;"> </span><span style="font-family: 'Segoe UI Semibold', sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;">If it helps...</span><span style="font-family: 'Segoe UI Semibold', sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;">I know a good rubber band trick to help break cyclic
thinking! Have the number of a good therapist on speed dial.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: 'Segoe UI Semibold', sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Segoe UI Semibold",sans-serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">Don’t think in extremes, stop over
generalizing the negative aspects of the current situation and for <u>cryin’ </u>out
loud don’t minimize the positive elements. You’re not being thrown </span><span style="font-family: 'Segoe UI Semibold', sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;">a bone just to keep you from being snarky all
over the place! </span><span style="font-family: 'Segoe UI Semibold', sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;">You
must squarely face it!</span><span style="font-family: 'Segoe UI Semibold', sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;"> </span><span style="font-family: 'Segoe UI Semibold', sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;">Create
opportunities for face time with your significant other with-out distractions.
If you have children arrange for a friend or family member to babysit</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Segoe UI Semibold",sans-serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">dialogues,
especially in the beginning, can be tricky… restate everything you heard to
make sure you understood it correctly. I guarantee, based on my own experience <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Segoe UI Semibold",sans-serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">you
did not hear <u>what you were being told. </u>Nine times out of ten this is the
case and it never ceased to amazes me. What I understand is not what
DH/poly-bird gains from the<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Segoe UI Semibold",sans-serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">conversation
thus what he believes to be a very generalized conversation can at times be a
point of contention or pain. It is extremely revealing, not to mention jarring,
to point<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Segoe UI Semibold",sans-serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">these kinds of things out but it must be done
so that everyone is on the same page.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Segoe UI Semibold",sans-serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">Here
is another an acronym for you Stay <u>Calm </u>(Create, Accept, Laugh, and
Meditate) keep your day to day interactions as positive as you can and ask for
help from your significant <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Segoe UI Semibold",sans-serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">other.
Make what you are doing a conscious thought and action. Smile at people they
will smile back at you… and you will feel better. Find people who are positive.
<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Segoe UI Semibold",sans-serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">Change
the tone of your thoughts… alter one word from negative verb to a positive one
and periodically repeat it periodically through-out the day<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Segoe UI Semibold",sans-serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">Get
your lists down on paper it organizes your thoughts and gets some of the
vitriol out of your system. We all admit
to having the IDW lists, these are quick emotional off the cuff </span><span style="font-family: 'Segoe UI Semibold', sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;">statements
driven by hurt and humiliation.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: 'Segoe UI Semibold', sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Segoe UI Semibold",sans-serif; font-size: 12.0pt;"><b>I
Don’t Want: </b>I don’t want to be alone, I
don’t want to share<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Segoe UI Semibold",sans-serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">I
don’t want to keep secrets. I don’t want to see you and s/he together<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Segoe UI Semibold",sans-serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">I
don’t want to meet the OSO<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Segoe UI Semibold",sans-serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">I
don’t want the OSO in my home… I need a safe place.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Segoe UI Semibold",sans-serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">If
you have a Don’t Want list… you will definitely need a <b>Happy List!</b><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: 'Segoe UI Semibold', sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;">I
want to be Happy, I want to feel Loved (how)</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Segoe UI Semibold",sans-serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">I
want equal time, I want rules<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Segoe UI Semibold",sans-serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">I
want vacations to be ours alone, I want date nights too, with you<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Segoe UI Semibold",sans-serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">Such
lists don’t have to be real or even accurate but this is the basis of a road
map for conflict resolution. Forging a
path to the ah-ha moment when you understand in your bones,</span><span style="font-family: 'Segoe UI Semibold', sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;">what
you need to be truly happy.</span></div>
Dulcietta Willhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16089722554796381795noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9107801283566606921.post-12181738610022132972015-02-10T19:26:00.001-08:002015-02-10T19:36:00.819-08:00Kernals of Monagam’ish’ Thoughts <div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: .25in;">
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<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Segoe UI Semibold",sans-serif; font-size: 12.0pt;"> T</span><span style="font-family: Segoe UI Semibold, sans-serif;">hings that pop into our heads about polyamory</span><br />
<br />
<br />
<ul>
<li><span style="font-family: inherit;">It’s embarrassing to watch public displays (PDA) of
affection, especially when it’s not that way with us</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: inherit;">It’s extremely difficult to accept changes we did not
choose</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: inherit;">Things are moving too fast</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: 12pt;">What if the significant other or girlfriend ignores my existence? Oh na'w, hell no
that </span>ain't<span style="font-size: 12pt;"> happening! It’s on now. (this is war mode)</span></span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: inherit;">Agreements are important to me: It means I can trust you,
and can actually see the effect of it.</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-family: Symbol; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal;"> </span></span><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Segoe UI Semibold";">How do I know when to call out my mate/DH regarding
behaviors that are not supportive of our relationship or my needs </span><span style="font-size: 12pt;">or are in direct violation of
already outlined agreements</span></span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-family: Symbol; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal;"> </span></span><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Segoe UI Semibold";">My life is changing and it’s up to me to steer it in a
positive fulfilling direction. I must affirm
that I am important and nothing has </span><span style="font-size: 12pt;">changed other than the
structure of the existing relationship. Don’t fall victim to the slippery slope
of doubt</span></span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: inherit;">They love me but not enough to _____________________,
enough to what?</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-family: Symbol; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal;"> </span></span><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Segoe UI Semibold";">My ability to separate my emotions from everyday
life, bubbling close to the surface, is probably what allows me to excel professionally and allows </span><span style="font-size: 12pt;">my DH/mate to develop multiple
relationships with ease</span></span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: inherit;">Sometimes no matter what others will say, do or I provide for
myself.. I am alone. That is the way it
is and will be.</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: inherit;">Poly leaves me lost, drained and seeking and I’m the ‘ish’
one</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Segoe UI Semibold";">I want to go to a lifestyle event as a couple… do we have
to ask the girlfriend.</span><span style="text-indent: -0.25in;"> </span></span></li>
</ul>
</div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: .25in; mso-add-space: auto; text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: .25in; mso-add-space: auto; text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<i><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Segoe UI Semibold";">I've been reading
lately of one women’s introduction to polyamory and stories like hers make me
immensely sad. Qualities that make us
human, </span></i><i><span style="font-size: 12pt;">true love, kindness, </span></i><i><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Segoe UI Semibold";">seem
to be absent from person/s that should matter most! Apparently these have been defaulted for the
baser </span></i><i><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Segoe UI Semibold";">concept
of ‘Me’ at a time when the emotional support, encouragement and love of her
family are an absolute necessity. *In my </span></i><i><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Segoe UI Semibold";">opinion
what this ladies DH and his GF are doing is wrong on so many levels, one does
not know where to begin. Please, polyamory </span></i><i><span style="font-size: 12pt;">is
not an excuse to cheat or cover up cheating! The very name itself is the first
clue…’poly’-many ‘amory’-loves. Not lusts.
If </span>you've<span style="font-size: 12pt;"> any </span></i><i><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Segoe UI Semibold";">concern
for your fellow human being you would be open, honest and upfront about your
preferred relationship style, as well as sensitive </span></i><i><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Segoe UI Semibold";">to
all parties in the reshaping dynamic. That magic word friends is compromise,
not what you thought it would be is it.
There is no alternate universe where f</span></i><i><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Segoe UI Semibold";">orced/guilted
into consent induction works. Everyone must be on the same page it polyamory is to work.</span></i></div>
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<ul>
<li><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-family: Symbol; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal;"> </span></span><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Segoe UI Semibold";">Poly frustrates me at times, then my OCD kicks in because
I can’t grasp enough details to get all my duck in a row. What is a planner to do?</span><span style="font-size: 12pt;">Sigh!</span><span style="font-size: 12pt;"> </span></span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: 12pt;"> </span>Not <span style="text-indent: -0.25in;"> poly, not mono, what I am is me.</span><span style="text-indent: -0.25in;"> </span><span style="text-indent: -0.25in;">Bound by my most consuming thou</span><span style="text-indent: -0.25in;">ght, wishes and immense /</span><span style="text-indent: -0.25in;">intimate</span><span style="text-indent: -0.25in;"> needs to you. </span><span style="text-indent: -0.25in;">Men are men, you are me</span></span><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="text-indent: -0.25in;">.</span></span><span style="text-align: center;"> </span></li>
</ul>
<div style="text-align: left;">
More to Follow, of this I'm Sure</div>
</div>
Dulcietta Willhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16089722554796381795noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9107801283566606921.post-847171252597586742015-02-10T17:51:00.002-08:002015-02-10T20:59:21.900-08:00E-Gads, It's Polyamory: What is it that drives us stark raving crazy about Poly-birds?<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Segoe UI Semibold",sans-serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">Deep
down what is it that disturbs us about our loved ones being polyamorous. Is it our beliefs, influenced by external
societal forces or our morality as defined by a series<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Segoe UI Semibold",sans-serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">strictly encoded rights and wrongs. Do we have
broad cultural parameters, or are they more narrowly defined and everything is
black and white exclusively. Could there be<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Segoe UI Semibold",sans-serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">more.
Is polyamory a more personalized experience? Who, What, When, Where, How
and Why do not apply…. At least not now that is.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Segoe UI Semibold",sans-serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">Now
is an unbelievably harrowing and soul wracked convergence of opposing beliefs,
truths and emotional states. What really
impacts our perception so much, that the<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Segoe UI Semibold",sans-serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">intrusion of polyamory disrupts our daily
lives? Yes….really it is that strong of a force. It’s called a chronic stressor, and that my
friends can set you up for some nasty problems-<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Segoe UI Semibold",sans-serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">with
one caveat. If you let it.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Segoe UI Semibold",sans-serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">The
Mono/Poly journey is personal, everyone experiences it differently and yet
there are commonalities that can be found.
As a monogamist; polyamory is an intrusion </span><span style="font-family: 'Segoe UI Semibold', sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;">likened
to a timed bomb waiting to detonate, we believe that we relate to one person
romantically and sexually at a time.</span><span style="font-family: 'Segoe UI Semibold', sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;"> </span><span style="font-family: 'Segoe UI Semibold', sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;">It
forces us into introspection, self-exploration </span><span style="font-family: 'Segoe UI Semibold', sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;">and
emotional maturation.</span><span style="font-family: 'Segoe UI Semibold', sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;"> </span><span style="font-family: 'Segoe UI Semibold', sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;"> </span><span style="font-family: 'Segoe UI Semibold', sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;">We must seek out those emotional blocks where
we are frozen and locked in another time.</span><span style="font-family: 'Segoe UI Semibold', sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;">
</span><span style="font-family: 'Segoe UI Semibold', sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;">Its move past those blocks or abandon ship and run </span><span style="font-family: 'Segoe UI Semibold', sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;">away.
The truly sad thing is we are running away from ourselves and not our beloveds,
if we choose that route.</span><span style="font-family: 'Segoe UI Semibold', sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;"> </span><span style="font-family: 'Segoe UI Semibold', sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;">In real world
parlance “Time to grow-up”, grow a pair, put on </span><span style="font-family: 'Segoe UI Semibold', sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;">the big girl panties, get your knickers out of
a wad and S.L.O.G through the hard stuff! (Shite, Laugh, Obliterate and
Grumble)</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Segoe UI Semibold, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 12pt;">Nine most often cited </span>Poly-bird<span style="font-size: 12pt;"> Related Annoyances<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Segoe UI Semibold",sans-serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">1. Hey,
they are having their cake and eating it too… What I hear is …that’s not fair.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Segoe UI Semibold",sans-serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">2. They
are living the ultimate fantasy. Real life is not a hot wife fantasy that’s
creative thought. The grass is not always greener on the other side of the fence,
sometimes it’s just grass<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Segoe UI Semibold",sans-serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">3. They
broke their promise…yes they did. </span><span style="font-family: Segoe UI Semibold, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 12pt;">Really…
I thought we had the same goals and ideals in common…. Who </span>wasn't<span style="font-size: 12pt;"> listening? </span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: 'Segoe UI Semibold', sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;">4. How
do we communicate? </span><span style="font-family: 'Segoe UI Semibold', sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;">You
don’t get to opt out and leave because we are having challenges now.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Segoe UI Semibold",sans-serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">5. What
do I get out of this? Kids this is
simply a restatement of <u>Life is not fair… not everyone gets a trophy for
participation<o:p></o:p></u></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Segoe UI Semibold, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 12pt;">6. Trying
to communicate with a </span>poly-bird<span style="font-size: 12pt;"> is like trying to nail jello to a wall. The story changes to meet their current state
of reality. Can they not make a choice
like <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Segoe UI Semibold",sans-serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">everyone
else in this world and stick to it?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Segoe UI Semibold",sans-serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">8. They
have the ultimate excuse… I just don’t buy it.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Segoe UI Semibold",sans-serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">If
we must learn a new way of life, broaden our horizons and accept the changes
our beloveds want us to…. Well then they should too!<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Segoe UI Semibold",sans-serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">9. You
can see other people too. You did not
just say that! It sounds like your throwing me out with the bathwater, it’s
insulting, hurtful, acrimonious and a completely<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Segoe UI Semibold",sans-serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">cavalier
attitude to assume with someone you supposedly love. For many this is the sharpest of the barbs
that must be diffused and the deepest<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Segoe UI Semibold, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 12pt;">I
assure you, in digging to </span>Timbuktu<span style="font-size: 12pt;"> and back you are in a process of finding
yourself, growing and coming out of this stronger and more independent. </span></span><span style="font-family: 'Segoe UI Semibold', sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;">These
are annoyances sure, but they are relatively shallow.</span><span style="font-family: 'Segoe UI Semibold', sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;"> </span><span style="font-family: 'Segoe UI Semibold', sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;">What supports us; keeping us aloft, heads
above water is moving forward in a positive, purposeful and </span><span style="font-family: 'Segoe UI Semibold', sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;">self-sustaining
direction. There is a duality with in us whether we choose to acknowledge it or
not. A healthy outlook on life and emotional development takes into account </span><span style="font-family: 'Segoe UI Semibold', sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;">our
full nature.</span><span style="font-family: 'Segoe UI Semibold', sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;"> </span><span style="font-family: Segoe UI Semibold, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 12pt;">When we refuse to accept that
duality we experience guilt, fear, abandonment, esteem and self-control issues.
DH, </span>poly-bird<span style="font-size: 12pt;"> that he is, in one of our conversations
suggested that perhaps some of our fears arise from this darker </span>flip side<span style="font-size: 12pt;"> of our
nature.</span></span><span style="font-family: 'Segoe UI Semibold', sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Segoe UI Semibold",sans-serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">Consider
the following statement: If I allow myself to see other individuals as
attractive. I won’t be able to control
the outcome/control myself. I’ll go too
far or do something to hurt m</span><span style="font-family: 'Segoe UI Semibold', sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;">yself…. Worse I might do something to drive
my mate away.</span><span style="font-family: 'Segoe UI Semibold', sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;"> </span><span style="font-family: 'Segoe UI Semibold', sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;">Perhaps some have even
questioned whether or not they are broken simply because they don’t see/feel
the way </span><span style="font-family: 'Segoe UI Semibold', sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;">they
perceive others as doing. Really who gets to decide what is normal?</span><span style="font-family: 'Segoe UI Semibold', sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;"> </span><span style="font-family: 'Segoe UI Semibold', sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;">Do our hang-ups provide the fodder for faulty
thinking; thus hindering social maturity.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: 'Segoe UI Semibold', sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Segoe UI Semibold",sans-serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">It
is worth noting the polyamory exposes any problems one might have as an
individual or with relationships closed or open. It really boils down to maybe, just maybe we
are <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Segoe UI Semibold",sans-serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">ahead
of the game in that we understanding ourselves well enough to know that one person
is all we can truly and realistically handle. Our lives are full, nothing else
is required. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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Dulcietta Willhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16089722554796381795noreply@blogger.com0