Monogam "Ish" Commentary

Its been a hot minute since I last blogged about anything. I've taken a lot of time off, to take care of myself in this long journey of opening up our relationship. Things certainly don't go the way we want them to and that's okay but for someone who is OCD, among other things, its crippling.   I feel like I'm  ready to blog again !  That's probably due to having a good therapist, and better communication with Polybird! How is that going you might ask? well, it like this- Polybird  basically has two mono-amorous relationships at this time. He is as they say the hinge of a V. So far so good and baby steps for me. We are endeavoring to write a primer for Mono+Poly Relationships from three different perspectives     Polybird     New to Poly Meta Mono     Old Sho' Me Mono We are in the process of building material for the book, most of which comes from personal experience.  I still don't feel like poly folx can ...

Never Are We Broke The Advantages of a Poly/Mono Relationships For those who need simple but powerful reassurance.  Thanks to the following individuals: Elise, Tom, Jen, Gwen, Nattydreadsista, and lastly Polybird ·          More amenable (M) ·          More attentive (M) Polys get to be their real self.  In doing so they will feel more supported and will want to reciprocate and provide for their mono partner’s needs (P) and become more affectionate as a result(M) ·          Often find you will do more together (M) ·          You must live in the hear and now /present (M) ·         You Must  accept t he truth (P/M) ·          You must consider others in the relationship (P/M) ·         You must  work toge...

Friends with Benefits, Pleased to Meet YOU Reality TV is pervasive now days, recently a new series has come to the foray… you guessed it ‘Neighbor’s with Benefits’ following several married couples in suburban Ohio as they swapped partners.  Sorry to say, as of this writing A&E has discontinued the series after only 2 episodes. Okay, I have to find the remaining seven episodes if only to see how they treat the subject matter. I read a study, posted to the Journal Archives of Sexual Behavior in 2013, by researcher Peter Jonason of the University of Western Sydney, that focused on defining booty call, one-night stands, friends-with-benefits arrangements and other   casual sex   relationships "There is such a range of relationships, and we tend to be loose in the terms we use to define and describe them,"  (Pappas, 2015) Jonason said. Jonason wanted to provide definitions that offered insight into the functions of each of these relationships. Each participan...

Don’t take this the wrong way but(s)…set me off and put me on edge.  I know, something that’s going to “irk” me, is about to be said; steal a quick breath unnoticed- hold it then wait! Why do poly people re-act with suspicion or outright disdain and derision over “my feelings? Is it because they cannot understand from a logical standpoint or are they reacting with their own emotional response and therefore need to look with-in themselves? It is just my luck to find every relationship anarchist possible.  I’m sorry, even when one lives without rules or established boundaries; allowing others to act on their own conscious in their parings you have just made a rule. Living in one or the other realm has its own naturally occurring rules and  parameters . I don’t have to be best friends with my metas. I just have to find a way to be okay with them.  Don’t they have family and friends to support and fill their emotional vaults? They need me to do that as well...

Drama has come home to roost, in a big way, and I am immensely upset.  I just want to crawl into a hole and  wail my lungs out till there is no more in me. My worst fear has come to be!  Myself and DH are now members of a growing subset of adults over the age of 50 with a newly acquired STD. Opening a relationship is-not easy as most would agree now there is this to contend with. Till the day we die we will be on supressive therapy.  For me, personally I feel as if I have a whole in my chest; a blank empty space. I don’t want to rail, point fingers, take pot shots or otherwise demean my metamour or people we have had contact with, in the lifestyle. They are some of the most friendly communicative and honest people I have met. I am in such a flap that I really don’t know what to do with myself.  This is just another life event to add to my  already well notched belt of unplanned pregnancy, miscarriage, chea...

Heartstoppers occur, you know it will go away.  These occur anytime sensitive boundaries are unknowingly breached.  A heartstopper is a real physiological reaction to the unexpected.   It is a hard thud followed by a slight dizzying sensation  and sometimes a shortness of breath, almost as if it’s been knocked out of you.   1-2-3-4-5 Don’t say anything. Your stomach lurches, begins to twitch or sinks.  Absorb the sensation… It will pass. Welcome to the reptilian/primitive brain kicking in.   Much has been written about this nasty function that seemingly occurs  with-out even thinking; an evolutionary adjustment tactic for survival –probably.   A construct that is detrimental to our  psychological, emotional and cognitive interactions-very probably.   There has been some research conducted that supports  the premise of rejection piggybacking on to pain receptor sites in the brain. This would create strong neuro –chemical bond...

This is not what you think.   We've  gone through a lot of points, most of which you probably have experienced in one form or another.  Sometimes it is enough to know others have gone through what you are going through.   I can’t fix it for you, but I can surely reassure you  that you can and will emerge on the other side perhaps a little stronger, more self-assure, and happy.   Imagine that! How do you see the current state of your relationship? Is it working for you and your SO.  Is it not working? (Is it strained, relaxed, or changing)  Or is it all of the above.   No one is perfect.   Force yourself to learn from mistakes made, accept it, and continue on your path.   This is a thinking  list or a plan of action list.   It is a deliberately planned path addressing issues that may come about. It also addresses what you want your evolving relationship to look like.  For the time being it directly reduces the i...