Monogam "Ish" Commentary

Drama has come home to roost, in a big way, and I am immensely upset.  I just want to crawl into a hole and  wail my lungs out till there is no more in me. My worst fear has come to be!  Myself and DH are now members of a growing subset of adults over the age of 50 with a newly acquired STD. Opening a relationship is-not easy as most would agree now there is this to contend with. Till the day we die we will be on supressive therapy.  For me, personally I feel as if I have a whole in my chest; a blank empty space. I don’t want to rail, point fingers, take pot shots or otherwise demean my metamour or people we have had contact with, in the lifestyle. They are some of the most friendly communicative and honest people I have met. I am in such a flap that I really don’t know what to do with myself.  This is just another life event to add to my  already well notched belt of unplanned pregnancy, miscarriage, cheating, cancer, opening a marriage- the pot just keeps swirling, whirling an

Heartstoppers occur, you know it will go away.  These occur anytime sensitive boundaries are unknowingly breached.  A heartstopper is a real physiological reaction to the unexpected.   It is a hard thud followed by a slight dizzying sensation  and sometimes a shortness of breath, almost as if it’s been knocked out of you.   1-2-3-4-5 Don’t say anything. Your stomach lurches, begins to twitch or sinks.  Absorb the sensation… It will pass. Welcome to the reptilian/primitive brain kicking in.   Much has been written about this nasty function that seemingly occurs  with-out even thinking; an evolutionary adjustment tactic for survival –probably.   A construct that is detrimental to our  psychological, emotional and cognitive interactions-very probably.   There has been some research conducted that supports  the premise of rejection piggybacking on to pain receptor sites in the brain. This would create strong neuro –chemical bonding  producing a physical causality. i.e. shortness of brea